Better Than Me
by Nightshadow Dweller
Summary: NejiTen, Oneshot. He couldnt accept her love no matter how much she meant to him. He pushed her away and now its too late to tell her the truth. That he couldnt be with her because he didnt deserve her love. Based on the song "Better Than Me" by Hinder.


**Better Than Me**

**Summary: **NejiTen Oneshot. He couldn't accept her love no matter how much she meant to him. He pushed her away and now it's too late to tell her the truth. He couldn't be with her because he didn't deserve her love. Based on the song Better Than Me by Hinder

**A/N: Well I love this song and I love this pairing and I was listening to it on the bus to school and the idea just popped into my mind so I thought I would try it out seeing as I'm not having much luck with my other fic's, damm writers block. The inspiration was just there and I and listening to the song so hopefully it will work out. **

**Anyway I hope you enjoy it, this is my first song fic so please don't flame though constructive criticism is welcome, and please review with your comments. Thanks!**

**WARNING: **Sad ending so beware, this is not a happy story. Oh and contains well I'm not sure if it's a lime or if it will be considered a lemon. Oh well one of them lol so it is rated M for a reason.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto or the song "Better Than Me" by Hinder

(Neji's POV)

_I think you can do much better than me  
After all the lies that I made you believe  
Guilt kicks in and I start to see  
The edge of the bed  
Where your nightgown used to be_

The guilt, that's what I first though of. I couldn't help but go over it again and again in my head. The words I said to her, just before she left, it was the last time I saw her and I couldn't forget her tear stained face. She had always been so strong and yet I was the one that broke her down. Why did I have to say it, why did I have to tell her it was over, it was nothing? What had possessed me to turn around and say as if it was nothing that we could never be together because people from the Hyuga clan couldn't be with simple girls who had no family and no clan.

That's how I knew it was my fault, that I was to blame for it all. It was my fault, my entire fault that she had been in the way, my fault she wasn't thinking properly. It was all my fault that I had to watch as Lee and Gai burst out crying as hard as they could, Lee on the ground for his legs had given way as he had realized what had happened while Gai held his shoulder tightly, barely standing on his own legs as he searched for words to say or maybe hoping that by comforting Lee it would ease the pain. I remembered it all, from that first night, to that morning when reality hit us both and now to that moment when my world came crashing down. When he had stabbed her right in the heart.

But I still remembered that night the most. The night I had realized her true feelings for me, realized I harbored the exact same yet I didn't tell her, I couldn't tell her. It was the night I had crossed that line between friends and lovers, the line we had both been treading on for so long yet neither ever getting the courage to step over it. Yet we had and I couldn't help but sit here and extend my arm, wishing more than anything to feel her again, I could even see her there, sitting on the edge of the bed as she smiled warmly up at me. But never again could she smile at me her eyes so warm and loving. Never again could she sit on my bed, sit beside me and I was to blame.

_I told myself I won't miss you  
But I remember  
What it feels like beside you_

It is my fault that instead of walking back to Konoha happy and proud about our successful mission I stayed kneeling on the ground holding the best thing I ever had in my arms. Holding her broken body close to my chest as I gazed into her chocolate brown eyes that were once filled with happiness and light were now only reflecting the emptiness of which she had become. I couldn't help but take in her features, the way her smooth silky brown hair was done up in her usual two buns at the top of her head, the way her skin shone in the light and the way her face looked so peaceful as if she was simply just asleep.

But this was a sleep she would never wake up from and I couldn't do anything but hold her wounded body carefully as my heart broke apart and tears flowed freely down my face and onto the blood stained ground. I didn't know why I had done it, why I had pushed her away. I wished more than anything I had accepted her love instead of refusing to admit my own. Now I had lost her and no matter how many times I had told myself I wouldn't miss her I already did. The reality was I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think. This pain was unbearable all because I knew she was dead, and this was all because of me.

_  
I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes  
And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me_

We had spent that day training as always, just her and me while our other less normal team mates did laps around Konoha. I had never questioned shy she was always willing to train with me even though I was clearly at the advantage. Not that she was ever weak because she was the furthest thing from it. She was the strongest and most determined female in the whole of Konoha. Her skill with weapons was to be both admired and feared and I enjoyed the time we spent together. Where she would throw weapons at me one after the other and I would deflect them all. Our sparing sessions was what I lived for, to be in her presence.

The way her eyes would glow every time she hit me, the way she would frown when I had beaten her. The way the lose strands would caress her face and on close contact would sometimes gently tickle my face. I use to love how her smile would warm me up, how with her I felt free and alive. She didn't care that I was a Hyuga or about my past or anything. She admired me for my abilities, for the way I was. As did I for her. The fire in her eyes, her touch on my arm, her careful breathing as she would lie and relax while I meditated during our shirt breaks. These were rare treasures I cherished yet I wasn't entitled to them, I hadn't deserved them. 

While looking through your old box of notes  
I found those pictures I took  
That you were looking for 

Days had turned to months and those months to years. We had met as team mates and it was here where I hadn't just secured myself a worthy and talented training partner but a best friend as well. She knew me better than anyone. Knew my likes and dislikes, how to read my moods and features. I had respected that, the fact that she knew what I wanted without me having to voice it. She was my voice, my other side, she was everything I wasn't.

I wasn't even aware of when it started but somehow I noticed her more, I realized how grown up she had become. She was beautiful in her won simple way and that was what I liked. She didn't go out of her way to show her beauty or even try and improve it. She was happy the way she was and so was I. it had started by just simple touches, simple looks. My heart would beat faster every time she smiled, I would worry every time she wasn't next to me while we were fighting. I cared for her more than a team mate should have. Then again we weren't just team mates to her we were her family.

I picked up the photo of our team back when we were younger and couldn't help but run a small finger along the edge of her face. I had told her I had thrown this out but I hadn't, I kept it if just to look at her. I had everything about her from the notes she had sent me, from birthday cards or holiday greetings and even pictures that had her in it from group gatherings. I knew she had been looking for these the other day, she had asked me about it and I had told her I didn't keep things like that. It pained me the way her face fell but I had my pride, my stupid pride. It always got in the way.

_  
If there's one memory I don't want to lose  
That time at the mall  
You and me in the dressing room_

I wasn't sure what had started it what had made us cross the line. My feelings were getting harder and harder to control, this desire was at times beginning to interfere with our training. I knew that I should keep my distance for both our sakes and yet I started making excuses to be with her. She had offered to help me find something for my uncle's birthday party which was to be a formal occasion. I had agreed and I couldn't help but smile at the way she had slipped on the jacket then stepped back and looked at me with a smile saying how much more hotter I looked. I could see the small blush that crept onto her face and I knew that I was fighting to hold mine back from view.

I had taken her out for lunch to repay my thanks and it had been a good day, with her by my side it felt almost natural. I didn't want to loose that memory, or any memory of her. I could remember us hiding from fan girls as we ran into the store and Tenten froze as they followed. I had grabbed her wrist and pulled her into a dressing booth to hide and I hadn't expected it to be so small. Her body was next to mine that I could feel her warmth radiating of her. Her face was so much closer and I couldn't help but smile as she laughed at the confused girls outside and the position we had found ourselves in.

She had looked up at me, her smile was so catching that I couldn't help but return it. I wasn't sure if it was the heat or just simply the way her eyes looked up at me with such love that had made me do it but before I could compose myself I had gently placed my lips on hers in a soft kiss. I didn't expect her to respond as her lips moved gracefully against mine. It was short but sweet and no matter how shocked I was I couldn't help but register how nice and good it had felt. Her taste was one I could easily become addicted to.

I looked at her, about to apologize but before I could get the words out she had leant up and captured my lips with hers and I couldn't help but respond just as eagerly as once more everything, every nagging thought drifted away at the feel of her lips on mine and the taste of it all. She broke away and looked at me breathlessly but the desperation and desire in her eyes was evident. It wasn't a mistake, we had both crossed the line and we knew without words what the other was feeling. It had always been that way with us and I couldn't help but ignore everything else.

I crashed my lips on to hers in a fiery and passionate kiss. My arms went around her waist as I forced her body closer to mine. She responded with just as much enthusiasm and desire as her arms snaked around my neck so she could deepen the kiss. My tongue licked her bottom lip begging for entrance which she gladly complied. My tongue entered her mouth as it fought for dominance with hers. The battle was won in my favor and I was allowed to explore her cavern and taste very inch of her mouth, she moaned softly as I held her in my arms never wanting to let go, never wanting it to end.

_I told myself I won't miss you  
But I remember  
What it feels like beside you_

We had walked back to my house, I had offered for her to stay for tea and she had agreed. I had held her hand the whole way and I could tell from the small smile on her face she liked it. I could remember wanting to just reach down and kiss her again, I didn't care but I couldn't let people know. I couldn't let my family know, I don't know what they would do to her if they did. Yet I still brought her there knowing what was going to happen because I couldn't stop myself. Desire was driving me.

We arrived at my room and the moment the door was closed my mouth was on hers. The passion, the lust, the desire and the unspoken love between us was driving us the whole way. My tongue was once more in her mouth as her fingers moved skillfully through my hair, massaging my scalp in the process and making me grunt in approval. I left her mouth and kissed down her neck making her moan in satisfaction and making me want to hear more of her moans. She confessed everything to me, her feelings and her love and I responded with kisses that made her feel more pleasure than she knew exsisted. It was all I could do.

Every touch burned my skin, every kiss created a fire in the pit of my stomach so our passionate loved filled kisses turned to one of desperation, urgency and longing. Although I hadn't been aware of it this was what I had wanted for awhile. To feel her body against mine, her mouth on mine, her fingers caressing my skin. It was all so perfect, it felt so right and even though I knew it was wrong I didn't stop, I couldn't stop. I was living in a dream and I didn't want to face reality yet.

I guided her to the bed, our clothing disappearing before we could even register what was happening, and we fell down together not breaking contact. She was on top as I pulled her down so I could run my hands down her body. I was analyzing every aspect of her, every sensitive spot and every curve. I didn't know why but it made it that much more satisfying. The night was filled with ecstasy, her screams and my moans. Sweat lingered off our bodies but we were living for the heat of the moment, both to absorbed in the passion of our love making.

I could remember everything about that night, the feel of her body and the heat of my skin. How I would nip playfully at her neck, letting my tongue lick the surface as she whimpered in delight. Most importantly I remember the fee of it all, how good and pleasurable it was. I craved to feel that way again, the tightening of my stomach and then its relief as the most wonderful sensation filled my body and left me feeling like I was on cloud nine. I knew that only she could ever make me feel that way, feel that good. And now it was gone.

I hadn't realized how much I would miss it all until now. I remembered what it felt like afterwards, just to have her with me. What it felt like to have her beside me. I think that's what I miss the most, holding her closely and tightly in my arms afterwards. Feeling comforted just watching her lay their, running my hands through her hair a she smiled and I kissed her forehead and then her lips. No words needed to be exchanged for we both understood the gift we had given one another. I had told myself that I wouldn't miss it, convinced myself I didn't need it but I did. I needed her with me, I missed her being at my side, missed her being in my arms.

_I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes  
And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me_

That morning I had woken up to feel so relaxed and calm yet it wasn't after, when she was gone, that I realized it was her beside me that had made me feel that way. I miss that time with her, I miss her. The simple things I took for granted that now mean so much more. Like the way I woke up and just stared at her. Looking at the way she just laid there looking so peaceful, so innocent next to him. the way her hair was sprawled over her back and some was even in my face yet I didn't care. She looked beautiful like this, almost angel like.

I couldn't help but think how perfectly her body fir next to him, how good it felt to lie with her naked body pressed against his. He remembered the kisses, the taste of her mouth and he missed that to. the way her lips moved across his, the way her arms held onto his neck as her fingers ran through his hair. The way she moaned softly as his tongue bettered her mouth, the way her own tongue massaged his and how good she tasted as his tongue swept through her mouth.

But then I had realized what I had done, what I had taken and I couldn't help myself. Maybe I had become scared, frightened of what this meant. I hadn't of course meant to be that hash to her, the way I had said we were over and the finality it brought, I could remember how she had looked almost pleadingly at me before I had made it worse saying she was an orphan and could never hop to be with someone like me who was from a noble clan. How my words must have cut her like a knife and yet she had accepted them, said she had understood and quickly left without another word. She hadn't deserved any of that just as I hadn't deserved what she had given me the night before.

_  
The bed I'm lying in is getting colder  
Wish I never would've said it's over_

Now I was lying on my bed yet if felt so cold and empty without her and never before had I felt so alone. I felt so vulnerable, so weak and so damm cold. I wanted more that anything to have her lying beside me, I need her there. The desperation was almost ripping me to shreds and the pain that she couldn't, that she wasn't going to again because of me unbearable and enough to make me want to scream out for the world to hear. I needed her next to me, I wanted her next to me and I hated that I couldn't touch her, feel her again.

I wished more than anything that I had never said it was over between us, that I had never told her it was a mistake, an accident. I wish I had never out an end to out friendship, our sparing sessions and most importantly our brief time as lovers even though if I was to be honest with myself we had been lovers for years just hadn't acted on it. I couldn't rid that guilt that I had declared it over and the desperation to make it not true; to reverse time was driving me mad. I know now what I had missed out on, what I didn't have anymore and I hated it.

_  
And I can't pretend... I won't think about you when I'm older  
Cause we never really had our closure_

I looked out my window and saw that it had been raining. The sky was grey and miserable which suited my mood perfectly. I remembered how she loved the rain, listening to it hit the rook of just the feel of it on her skin. Just the thought of her laughter was enough t make the pain return. It was unbearable and I hated it, the feeling. It was the worst pain I had ever felt, worst than anything physical I could ever feel. I had never known that sorrow, that emotional pain could hurt this much.

What was worse was that it wasn't a physical wound you could see or heal. No this wound was great and it was within and there was no way to heal it. I couldn't even numb it which is what I was trying to do. Numb the pain so I didn't have to deal with it. I would give anything not to feel it anymore it was just becoming too much. Every thought about her, everything that made me remember her just made that pain return, that broken empty and despair feeling return. Every time it would feel like someone was drooping a ton of bricks on my stomach and an icy shiver would go down my spine.

This was grief I knew, it's what people did when they were mourning the ones they love and I knew I wasn't the only one. All of the Konoha eleven were grieving, minus Sasuke who was god knows where. Yet why was I the only one doing it in secret, hiding it away when I knew she deserved every tear that was shed. I just wanted to get it over with, to make it go away, to forget. But I couldn't forget because everything reminded me of her. I couldn't pretend that there was nothing there that it was all in my head.

I couldn't forget her and I knew I would never be able to. I knew I would always think about her and that she would never leave my mind and I couldn't pretend either that one day it would all be ok because it won't. It never will be not as long as she remains dead.

I started crying softly because I knew there was no one around to see or hear it I wasn't ashamed of crying because I knew why and I knew that it was only natural. But my pride still forbid me to show it just like it had my love. But now there was no one I could show it to because the only one I let my guard down around, the only one I showed the real me to was no longer here.

I know that his grief will never leave him, that I will never be able to let go because we were never were able to resolve things between us. I had never found closure and I never would because I won't have the chance to tell her the truth. I wanted desperately to hold on to the belief that she already knew but that was harder to do now. I could never be sure if she did and that made it worse. We never had closure, we never fixed the things that needed to be fixed or said the tings that needed to be said and because f that there will always be loose ends. All I could think was that this couldn't be happening, not like this. It just couldn't be, this couldn't be it.

_  
This can't be the end_

She couldn't be dead she just couldn't. I count have lost her, not her. She had always been there, always reliable and always dependable. Whenever he needed her without question she was by his side and willing to do whatever he needed her to do, whatever she could do to help him. she was loyal like that and not once had he thanked her. not once had he really told her how much her loyalty to him meant and he should have, he knew he should have but he didn't because he had thought she would always be there and now she wasn't.

How come I had not acted sooner, how could I have not realized that she wouldn't always be there? I had thought she would be but now she wasn't and I didn't know what to do about it. what if I had made my feelings known, if I had acted on impulse and my desire, what if I had not held back then maybe she would still be here? At least than I would have had ore time with her, not taken her fir granted like I had. I never appreciated what she did for me; I never realized how much she meant until I lost her.

I still couldn't believe she was gone and I didn't want to. I didn't want to accept that she wasn't in my life anymore, that she wasn't here to touch and to hold. To train with, to spend time with. Those little moments I remember now, the ones that stand out and seemed to mean so much I had taken for granted at the time. I didn't realize that we didn't have much time which was stupid seeing as we were ninja's. but no matter what she had always been there, the one stable figure in my life and without her I felt empty, I didn't feel whole, she was my other side and with her gone I felt lost.

_  
I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes  
And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me_

I missed her, more than I ever could have realized. I remembered the feeling that had swept through me when the kunai had gone through her chest. The horrible crushing of my world, the cold feeling that had spread through my bones as if someone had poured a bucket over my head. I remembered the way her eyes had looked at me in such a painstaking and apologizing way. As if she knew it was coming, knew how I felt and was sorry she couldn't comfort me. How could she give up, how could she not care. Those words had gone through my head, how easy she had accepted it. But I knew and so did she that there was no hope. Just like our relationship, she had reached a dead end and her time was up. There was nothing she or I could do.

I remembered running to her, catching her in my arms. I wasn't aware of my surroundings, the way Lee had burst through the trees then stopped as he saw me cradling her in my arms or the way Gai sobbed as he cried out how he had failed her. But he hadn't, I was the one who had failed her. I didn't protect her and if anything I had made her vulnerable. The way she looked at me though was as if she had forgiven me, telling me to move on. She knew the truth, she knew that I was destined to marry someone my can chose for me. She didn't hold it against me, any of it, but that did nothing to ease the guilt I felt.

I remembered looking at her, begging her to stay as she smiled one last time. Her eyes were filled with that same warmth but now they also held sadness as her hand lifted to touch my check and I could already feel how cold it was. She was struggling to breathe as she hung on that line between life and death. Her thoughts were spoken through her actions as if she was asking me to let her go. I could only nod as she kept that smile on her face and whispered that she loved me. Yet still I couldn't say it back, I couldn't tell her. I knew she knew I loved her, I had made that clear and she could read me like a book, yet she never heard it from my mouth and she never would. She hadn't, she didn't deserve that.

_  
I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes_

But I know that even if she was here we wouldn't be together, we could never be together. I was a stone cold Hyuga and she was a happy young woman who wasn't from any clan. I know I told her that we were to different, that she was nothing while I was from a high class clan but that was a lie because no matter what she would always be above me, she would always be free. The truth was she didn't deserve the life of a Hyuga, or someone from the Hyuga's main branch. Besides I knew that one day I would have an arranged marriage and no matter what she said I know that when that day came she would be crushed. I didn't deserve to be with her, I couldn't do that to her. She didn't deserve it at all.

_And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me_

I loved her and that would never change but I would never be able to give her the love she needed, the love she deserved. I wasn't capable of loving someone in that way and although there was no doubt I did love her it wasn't the love she needed. I couldn't tell her myself, I couldn't share it with the world. I would keep it hidden, silent and that's all it could be because of whom I was and who I wasn't allowed to be. I was burdened with the curse mark and that would become her burden to. I couldn't allow that. She deserved so much better, deserved to be with someone who wouldn't have to hide that love and I knew I could never give her what she needed.

But now it was too late to tell her, too late to explain myself. I would never get another chance to tell her, to show her in this lifetime. But one day when my time comes to an end and when I finally meet her again I will waste no time. Because then I will be able to love her openly like she needs, like she deserves. And maybe I will be able to be with her, I will truly deserve her. But for now I can only go on living while I continue to love her and grieve for her silently. For now I can only live in comfort that she deserved so much better than me.

_  
And I think you should know this_

Because maybe one day I will be worthy of her love, worthy to love her. But I would never deserve her; she would always deserve someone better than me. But that doesn't mean that I don't love her because no matter what I will always love her, my Tenten.

_  
You deserve much better than me_

**A/N: Reading through it I realize I may have made Neji a little OC but that can't be helped. Then again this is all in his thoughts and who really knows what he thinks so it could be possible. Oh and sorry if it's very repetitive but I kind of didn't do it in order but all over the place. **

**And I know it changes views all the time and I apologize for that to but I dont have the time to go over and change it since I have homework I have to get back to. It isnt edited very good ethier so apologies also for my bad spelling and grammer. **

**Anyway this really didn't come out how I would have liked. Well the ending did a little because I attempted that first but I'm a little disappointed at the rest. Oh well I hope I didn't to bad of a job. So please review and let me know ok thanks!**

**Oh and if you love this pairing then please check out my oneshot on them titled Last Chance. **


End file.
